Shattered Heart

First let me start by saying, there is one person that this blog is based upon, you know who you are. I just want you to know that I'm not saying I'm mad, angry, or upset with you and I still greatly care about you but the best way for me to get everything off my chest is to write about it. So here it goes, I thought I was in love and that I had found the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I know that is a lot to say for only being in this relationship for 11 months but I was so happy during the first 8 months of it, it felt like I was on top of the world. I had found a girl who was passionate about the same things that I was and I was in the first relationship where I felt like I didn't have change the other person. On a scale of 1-10, my happiness level was a 11.5. Everybody would always say, they make such a cute couple and everytime I heard that, I felt like God definitely wanted me to be in this relationship. Maybe he still does but for now, he wants me to give my heart fully to him. The last few days have not been easy for me at all and I know it's going to take a while for my heart to fully heal because when I look back on this relationship, it hurts to know that we were so close and now I don't even know what we are. I spent almost a year getting to know you, trying to be your best friend, and to be that friend that you could talk to about anything, and now, after the last few months, I feel like I'm not even an acquaintance. I don't know why this happened or how it happened but what I do know is that my heart is now left in a million pieces. I also know that somehow, somewhere, God is going to use this in some way and that I will eventually be the person I once was, but right now, all I can think about is how I don't want to lose you as a friend because you mean so much to me. This is not the first time my heart has been broken and it probably won't be the last but I'm tired of feeling like I'm always giving myself completely to any relationship that I enter and all I get in return is a broken heart and an ache the size of Texas in my stomach. I know that God created me to have a huge heart because everyone close to me says how big it is, but I can't help but think that it was my heart that deceived me and led tohere I am right now. I spent so much time putting all of me into this relationship in hopes that you would do the same, which on some level you did, but obviously, we were not on the same page like we had been for a while and that hurts so much. I would never wish any ill will on you but I do hope that you do take some time to reflect back on the last year and do some real soul searching. I know I'm a different person and stronger because of it, I hope and pray that you are too and that you realize your worth in this world. Also never forget that you don't have to do anything alone, you have a choice and you have the support to make that choice not by yourself, but with those who love you.