Change

"Life is a journey, not so much to a destination, but a transformation" This line from the movie To Save A Life is the theme of my life right now. In the last year, especially, in the last few months, I have undergone great change. The first semester of my sophomore year was full of many ups and downs, with lots of twists and turns. During those months, I hit rock bottom and really questioned a lot of my beliefs. All though I'm still not completely at the highest point right now, I am slowly recovering with the support of an amazing family and incredible friends. For those closest to me know, I want to thank all of you and say that I truly would not have made it through this rough time without the support of all of you.

I have experienced two great changes in the last month. First of all, I'm single for the first time in almost a year. Yeah it stung like heck when it happned but I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. I fell in love and it was one of the best feelings I've ever experienced. It was by far the best relationship I've ever been in and I am truly thankful to God for allowing me to experience that. My first thoughts after the break up was that once again my heart was broken and that I need to guard it at all costs. In some ways that is true, but in most ways, that's not me at all. I put all of me into any relationship I enter, otherwise, I feel like I'm sitting on the sidelines and I'd rather go through times like this than be sitting on the sidelines waiting for something to happen. I don't know how this plays into God's plan for my life but I do know that all of it happened for a reason and for that, I'm forever grateful to God. I hope she knows that if and when she ever needs me, I will be here with arms wide open ready to be there for her again.

The other big life change that I have undergone is I am now an intern with Christian community on campus, Campus Ambassadors. My junior year of high school, I received my calling in life from Christ and that calling was to go into full time ministry as a youth pastor. This is the first big step in that calling. I know that this is exactly where God wants me and I get crazy excited when I think about that. He has given me a tool to spread his name and make his love known all of this campus and wherever I go. I went bollistic when I found out that I had been appointed as the intern. Unfortunately, I was driving in a car to South Dakota when I found out so it was kinda hard to throw a party when I found out:) Anyways, this is a huge privilege and I am honored that God would chose a person like me to do his work. Nothing beats that feeling!!

If there is one thing I've learned during these past few months, it's that the journey is much more important than the destination. If you get caught up in making the destination, you forget all about the journey and the destination moves farther away. The journey with Christ is full of ups and downs, twists and turns, a lot like a roller coaster. It is really easy to just give up when you hit rock bottom and blame everything on God, but when it all comes down to it, it is God's love, mercy, and compassion that will carry you through those trials. Even though it may feel like God is punishing you, he will never let you fall farther than he wants you to and he will never let anything happen to you that you cannot handle. So always remember that the journey, not the destination, is what makes you who you are. Without the journey, you cannot reach the destination so take each day as it comes and let God handle the rest!!!

Romans 12

Romans 12:9-21
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it it is written: "It is mine to avenge, I will repay", says the Lord. On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head". Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Shattered Heart

First let me start by saying, there is one person that this blog is based upon, you know who you are. I just want you to know that I'm not saying I'm mad, angry, or upset with you and I still greatly care about you but the best way for me to get everything off my chest is to write about it. So here it goes, I thought I was in love and that I had found the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I know that is a lot to say for only being in this relationship for 11 months but I was so happy during the first 8 months of it, it felt like I was on top of the world. I had found a girl who was passionate about the same things that I was and I was in the first relationship where I felt like I didn't have change the other person. On a scale of 1-10, my happiness level was a 11.5. Everybody would always say, they make such a cute couple and everytime I heard that, I felt like God definitely wanted me to be in this relationship. Maybe he still does but for now, he wants me to give my heart fully to him. The last few days have not been easy for me at all and I know it's going to take a while for my heart to fully heal because when I look back on this relationship, it hurts to know that we were so close and now I don't even know what we are. I spent almost a year getting to know you, trying to be your best friend, and to be that friend that you could talk to about anything, and now, after the last few months, I feel like I'm not even an acquaintance. I don't know why this happened or how it happened but what I do know is that my heart is now left in a million pieces. I also know that somehow, somewhere, God is going to use this in some way and that I will eventually be the person I once was, but right now, all I can think about is how I don't want to lose you as a friend because you mean so much to me. This is not the first time my heart has been broken and it probably won't be the last but I'm tired of feeling like I'm always giving myself completely to any relationship that I enter and all I get in return is a broken heart and an ache the size of Texas in my stomach. I know that God created me to have a huge heart because everyone close to me says how big it is, but I can't help but think that it was my heart that deceived me and led tohere I am right now. I spent so much time putting all of me into this relationship in hopes that you would do the same, which on some level you did, but obviously, we were not on the same page like we had been for a while and that hurts so much. I would never wish any ill will on you but I do hope that you do take some time to reflect back on the last year and do some real soul searching. I know I'm a different person and stronger because of it, I hope and pray that you are too and that you realize your worth in this world. Also never forget that you don't have to do anything alone, you have a choice and you have the support to make that choice not by yourself, but with those who love you.

Forgiveness

Let me tell you a story about Sally and Johnny. When Johnny was just a boy at age five, he received his first slingshot. Johnny loved this slingshot and he took it with him everywhere. His sister, Sally, and himself lived with their grandma. One day, Johnny came home excited to use his slingshot and there it was, his grandma's pet duck. Johnny took his slingshot, aimed, and shot the duck. Johnny was freakinng out because he killed his grandma's pet duck and didn't know how she would react. So  Johnny took the duck and buried it in the backyard. As he turns around, he sees his sister standing right there who saw the whole thing. So later that night at dinner, grandma asks Sally to do the dishes but sally says, oh no, Johnny and I figured it all out so he is going to do the dishes. Johnny tries to speak out but Sally says, remember the duck so he is forced to do the dishes. The next day, Grandpa says he needs Sally help fishing, but once again, sally forces Johnny to go with grandpa. The next day, grandma tells Sally she needs to do her chores. Needless to say, she once again forces Johnny to do all her chores. Johnny, so filled with grief and guilt, finally confesses to his grandma that he shot her duck with his slingshot. Grandma looks at him and says, "I know, I saw the whole thing, I was just curious how long you were going to be a slave to your sister"
Wow, what a story!! In this story, Grandma represents Jesus and Sally represents Johnny's grief and guilt. Grandma didn't care that he shot her duck, she cared that Johnny was allowing his guilt and grief to consume him. Why do you think God throws a party when you realize his forgiveness and accept it?There's not one thing we do that is ever going to surprise God. He is forgiveness that lasts a lifetime and he will never cease giving it out. It goes on and on and all he wants for us is to realize our sins, confess them, and accept his forgiveness. It's right there waiting for us, all we do is have to accept it!!

Words of wisdom

Matthew 5:16: In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in Heaven.

Matthew 5: 18-19: I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. Anyone who breaks the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the Kingdom of Heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commandments will  be called great in the Kingdom of Heaven.

Matthew 5: 25: Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. I tell you the truth, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny.

Matthew 5: 29-30: If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown in hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose on part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

Matthew 5: 34-37: Do not swear at all: either by heaven, for it is God's throne; or by earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. Simply let your 'Yes' by 'Yes' and your 'No' be 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.

Matthew 5: 39-42: Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.

Matthew 5:43-45: You have heard that it was said, "Love your neighbor and hate your enemy". But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may by sons of your Father in Heaven. He causes his son to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.

Matthew 6: 1-4: Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in Heaven. So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

Matthew 6: 9-14: This, then, is how you should pray: " 'Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we have also forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.' "  For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive you.

Matthew 6: 17-18: But when you fast, put oil onn our head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

Matthew 6: 19-21: Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Matthew 6: 25, 33-34: Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 7: 1-5: " Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

Matthew 7: 7-8: Ask and it will be given you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, he who seeks find, and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

Matthew 7: 13-14: Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

Matthew 7: 15-20: Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise every good tree bears good fruit. A good true canno bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.

Matthew 7: 24-29: Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against the house; yet id did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against the house, and it fell down with a great crash. When Jesus had finished saying these things, the crowds were amazed at his teaching because he taught as one who had authority, and not as their teachers of the law.

Outcast

Judged
Forgotten
Pushed away
Scorned

Each day I slowly waste away inside
God's love is a mystery to me
From all my friends, I hide
Because of my choice, I pay the fee

To all my friends, I am the outcast
To my family, I am a disappointment
How much longer will this last?
I am desperately searching for my divine appointment

Jesus, now I understand how you felt
when you were brutally punished for my sin
Now into your hands and heart, I melt
In your family, I am forever in

No longer an outsider
Forever I will speak of your love
My burden, now a lot lighter
I soar to the heavens like a dove

Forever I will rest in your arms and comfort
Never to forget how your love came into my life and rescued me!!

running

I figured since I've been a huge running hype this last year and since I'm running a half marathon tomorrow, I would make this post about running!:) For those of you who do run long distance, you know that it's not a sprint and that it takes patience, wisdom, and heart to complete the task in front of you. There are a lot of circumstances in life that are just like that. Life itself is not a sprint, it's a long drawn out mararthon or whatever you want to call it. Just like running, it takes patience, wisdom, and heart to complete the journey. Patience to know that God is going to do what he has promised to do in his timing, not ours. Wisdom to ask God for guidance, protection, and the will to continue through every obstacle and triumph. Heart to never give up and know that God will never let us fall and will always be right there by our side through every circumstance!! If you're a long distance runner, you also know that at one point in the race, you will hit what we like to call the "wall". That wall is going to discourage you, try to convince to stop going, and to do whatever it takes to make sure that you fail. Well this same concept applies to life. There will come a time in your journey with Christ where you are going to hit the wall and wonder what the point of going on is. Another name for this wall is the devil. He comes to kill, steal, and destroy. He will do whatever it takes to make sure that you turn away from God and doubt everything. As much as we want to avoid this wall, the reality is we will hit at some point in time but what matters the most is what you decide to do after running into the wall. You can choose to become discouraged, quit, and throw away everything you have worked for or you can choose to stand up, push that wall out of your way, and press on towards the ultimate goal. The temptation to quit will be strong because it feels like the easier way out, but why give up on everything you have worked for. I don't know what God has in store for each person in this world but I do know that the gift he has in store for us at the end of the journey is better than we can ever fathom. The gift of eternal life through Jesus' death has been given us, now we just have to accept it. Nothing can compare to that ultimate gift of eternity spent with Christ in heaven where there will be no more sorrow, sin, or pain. So I encourage you, wherever you may be in your walk with Christ to always perservere, believe in what God has in store for you, and never stop believing that you will be rewarded for all the good and hard work you put into your life! God loves us way too much to ever let us turn away from him and he will always be there for you through every circumstance!!

God knows whats up

Tomorrow I am sending my amazingly incredible girlfriend to college all the way in Grand Junction(I tried to convince her to come to boulder but that's just asking too much lol). All I can think to myself is that I thought I would never be the guy to enter a long distance relationship, but now I know that God works in mysterious ways. He really does know whats up and the mystery of not knowing what is going to happen when she leaves sucks sometimes but the only thing I can do is trust God and know that it's going to all work out for the best. Trusting God to provide is without a doubt one of the hardest things to do because we feel like we have to have control of the situation but in the long run, letting God handle the situation is so much better for our own sanity. There are days when I just wish God would tell me what my life is going to look like, where I'll end up and who I will be spending it with but that would just be plain crazy and ruin one of the best surprises God has in store for us. That would ruin the joy of waking up every day to a mystery and growing closer to God. If we knew everything he had in store for us, there would be no room for us to grow closer to him and to all the ones we love dearly. All we need to remember is that everything that happens to us happens for a reason and that all the people he puts in our life are there for a reason. We may not know that reason right away, but it's all a part of God's timing and only he can decide when he is going to let us in on those surprises! So my challenger to anybody who reads this to trust God and know that his majestic and perfect plan trumps our plan every day!!

A rainy adventure

So I'm sitting in my bedroom in my new apartment and I'm bored out of my mind. I'm like "God, I'm bored, give me something crazy to do" Well out of of nowhere, I get up, go to my car and drive up to the top of a mountain, and oh yah, it's raining!!!! I get out of the car and for about 15 minutes, I just stand there in the rain talking to God!!! It was so amazing:!!! Probably one of the best moment ever:) So I just stand there and talk to him for about 15 minutes about all the awesomely amazing things in my life including my amazing family, my incredible friends, my super great girlfriend, and most importantly, the gift of life!!!! That's only a short list of everything that he has blessed me with but those things along have played a huge role in who I have become in just the last 4 yours of my life. And it's hard to believe that this all started my junior year of high school, coincidently when I committed my life to Christ. Since then, my life has been everything I hoped it would be but this is definitely not the peak of it!!! Sometimes, I wish I could fast forward my life and find out what my life is going to look like but what about the years in between there and now? As much as I would love to know all of that, at the same point, I just want to take it one day at a time, starting with tomorrow. There's a saying "yesterday is history, the future is a mystery, and today is a gift, that's why they call it the present". And something that I came up with "Every day is a new day to wake up and say, God you're my only way". So a challenge for everybody, live life to the fullest and in the right now. Take each as it comes and let God handle the rest!!! He knows whats up:)

Baptism and Marriage

So here's something to get your mind's thinking! Baptism is just like Marriage. The day you get baptized is like one big celebration, you have given your life over to Christ and are excited to start living your life with him. Marriage is the same way. You have started a new life with that one special person that God put in your life. The day is filled with joy, happy, laughter, and excitement!!!! Both of those days are huge days in your life. But think about this, the journey after both of those days are not easy. There are days where you wonder why I would sign up for this and what could possibly make me want to do this. But there are those days where you know exactly why you signed up for this. You get that sense of fulfillment and joy of knowing that whatever comes your way in either your relationship with Christ or in your relationship with that significant other that you are going to make it through. No one ever said it would be easy but the satisfaction of that fruit you bear is one of the greatest feelings ever. You know without a doubt that nothing could possibly overcome that feeling of joy and triumph. One of my closest friends has a saying, you cannot have love without brokeness. That idea plays right into this idea. Without brokeness, you cannot grow, you cannot experience love, you cannot get that glimpse of what it means to follow Christ, and you do not have room to allow Christ help you grow and guide you. As much as brokeness hurts and sucks, if you take it as a chance to grow and develope, nothing can get in your way. It's so easy to just give in and throw the towel in when we are faced with brokeness but brokeness is that most important factor in creating an even stronger relationship with Christ or with that significant other!!!! So don't allow yourself to be burdened anymore, throw your burdens before the feet of Christ and allow him to work miracles in your life!!!!!!!!!!!! If you give him the chance, he will do more than satisfy your needs, he will create the greatest relationship anyone could ever as for.

Sacrificial Love

So yesterday I'm sitting in my dorm, watching some bachelor, and talking to my wonderfully amazing girlfriend:) During our conversation, she asks me, how would I feel about packing up my life after college and doing mission work. My first response was that I would be extremely scared but if if prayed about a lot and it's where God wanted me then yes. Then I began to think more and more about it as I went to bed. The first thing that came to my mind was this idea of sacrificial love. I'm not talking about sacrificial love for a friend, significant other, etc. I'm talking about a sacrificial love for God. For me to pack up my entire life and do mission work for a few months before starting my life would take a huge amount of sacrifice. You would have to sacrifice everything you knew to be true in your life like family, friends, or school to go serve the Lord. There's a point in every relationship we have on this planet where we learn to have sacrificial love for each other. That's the biggest and most important aspect of our relationship with Christ. His sacrificial love for us was put into huge affect the day he sacrificed his life for our sins. That's the kind of sacrificial love I'm talking about. His love for us was so strong, deep, and eternal that he sacrificed his body for us. It's one of the greatest feeling to reach that point in any relationship, where you know that you would sacrifice anything for that person. Following the Lord is all about sacrificing and surrendering our life to him. We just have to trust in him and know that wherever we go and whatever we do, God will always provide for us and will always be right there beside us!!!!!

Freezing time

Sometimes I wish I could just freeze time and not have to worry about anything at all. I could be at a place where I could just rest in God's arms and know that I am his and he is mine. Sometimes I wish life wouldn't change. Sometimes I wish I could be with all of my wonderful at once. The thought that life is going to change and I have no idea what's going to happen, where we're all going to end up, and if we always going to be friends scares me. I love my life the way it looks right now but I have to learn that God's plan is so much bigger than mine. But I'm scared to change, scared to let go, scared to give my life to him. I know if I would just trust in him, I wouldn't have to worry about all these things. I cannot help but think that this is all eventually going to go away when we go up to heaven and it scares me to think that my life is all in God's hands. I'm just me, how do I know what's right for my life? How do I know that if I surrender to God, my life will turn out the way I want it to(still trying to figure it out)? I'm almost at a loss for words which doesn't happen very much but there are so many things that plague my mind. Well no more!!! God has the book to my life and only he can control it. I give everything I have up to you Lord. Fill me up with your spirit, use this life I have to do your work. In the words of a famous holiday that is coming up, BE MINE!!! Be my strength, be my light, be my protection, be my best friend and most of all, be my FATHER! I want to be yours to use. I want people to see your light shining through me every where I go. I want to be your ambassador and not have to worry about what others think of me. This is my life and I will live it to the fullest from here on out. I want your love to be spread throughout this world. I don't want the material possessions of this life to run my life, I want to store my treasures in heaven. I know you put me here for a reason, and I know that it's your will for me to be your servant. You are my father, master, best friend, comforter, and my rock. I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART!! Help me spread that love.

to save a life

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My friends

I love my friends so much!!! I have no idea where I would be without any of them! When I think of my friends, one song comes to my mind. It's called Those Nights by Skillet and the chorus goes like this "Remember when we'd stay up late and we'd talk all night in a dark room lit by the tv light through all the hard times in my life, those nights kept me alive, we'd listen to the radio play all, didn't want to go home to another fight through all the hard times in my live, those night kept me alive"!!!! That song is the like the sound track to my life. I have so many wonderful friends out there and it is because of them that I am where I am today. I cannot count all the times they have been there for me through every hardship, failure, and even every victory!!!! I also know without a shadow of doubt that no matter where life takes all of us, we will still have an everlasting bond that will never be broken up. My friends are there for each other through thick and thin, victory and failure!!! So thank you God for all those moments where I could sit with a group of friends and not have to be anybody else but me:) It's one of the most amazing feelings to know that you have that support group that will always be there for you through every step on this journey!!!